HOW GREAT IS HIS LOVE
This past May on mothers day, God showed himself to me. Not in blessings and answered prayer but in the midst of pain and failure. Macy was up stairs on the coach sick with pneumonia and I got the call from my momma that my precious grandma went to be with Jesus. I was so grateful to have been given so much time with her, yet so frustrated and sad at the thought of having to live life without her. She represented so much to me-peace, comfort, tradition, saftey (when mom or dad were mad), love, godliness, contentment and so much more. This was the pain in which God comforted me in.
The failure came the next day when I took June to the dentist to find out that she had 8 cavities and needed 2 root canals. How could this be! I nursed her, and when she refused, I pumped for 5 months, and when I had nothing left, I drove 30 minutes one way every week to get the best goat milk I could find to make her homemade formula. I brushed her teeth, I fed her great food. Yet I felt like I failed my little girl.
Things continued to get a little tricky that week...the following day we sold our house, which was with such mixed emotion, and they buyers wanted us out in 2 1/2 weeks. Wow, okay, we can do this, but first we need to head to South Dakota to a funeral, get Macy back on his feet and fix Junes teeth. Oh, and we found out that the little getaway to Florida we had planned for just the two of us that coming weekend would have to be canceled due to the funeral and we would not be able to get a refund.
In the midst of it all, God showed Himself to me in such a big way. Peace and Joy gave us the strength we needed and friends came along side us in such a big way. Our neighbor worked after hours on Junes worst teeth so we could make the funeral and fix the rest when we got home, my in laws took the kids for us so we could have a quite drive and quality time with my family. Macy was not 100% but there was rest waiting for him in South Dakota despite a funeral. The vacation was lost, but replaced with some of the most amazing family time I have ever experienced. My grandmas funeral was the most beautiful funeral; she had planned it all, exactly how she wanted, in true grandma fashion, and it felt like she was giving us all such a big hug and kiss goodbye. I will treasure that forever.
So I tell you this story to tell you another story..yesterday I was sitting in the dentists office again, looking at Junes face covered in broken blood vessels from screaming so much (we have been to the dentist 8 times since may...she's traumatized to say the least), listening to the Dentist tell me June needed about $800 dollars more of dental work done. I couldn't stand the thought of putting June through more and I selfishly didn't want to pay $800 to put her through more...the tears began to well up but His still small voice said "I've got you Jennifer, trust me, stand firm in me." Then I recalled my week in May, a week in which my trust in the Lord was strengthened and my eyes were opened a little more to God's intense love for us, even in the midst of the chaos and the struggle. He was telling me to "stand firm" yesterday and trust Him. We certainly wish we would have gotten a great check up yesterday and walked out of those doors praising God for the blessings, but we didn't. Now we stand firm in His love and mercy and grace knowing that He works all things together for good for those who love Him, and who have been called according to his purpose (Romans 8:28).
So sit back, close your eyes, take this song in and be refreshed!
(P.S. RECIPES ARE COMING)